I thought I was a strong independent woman…. I was WRONG

So if anyone has looked at previous posts, I dated a dick a downright dick and recently I had been doing well, I am over him. I now find him revolting and can’t be in close proximity without feeling sick.

So anyway I decided to branch out into the world of men again and I entered with with renewed vigour and lust… yes lust!

However after 2 weeks of texting this guy I met, I have realised I am not as independent and strong as I thought I was, after one day of silence from him I have been wondering why, did I do something wrong or if I offended him in some shape or form… So I text him and asked him out for a drink and even though he said yes to it next weekend, I am ashamed I have gotten like this and I am moving back on my quest to be an Independent Woman.

Warning backslide alert!!

The “backslide”, its probably one of the things I fear most at the moment. Now I find myself dangerously close to possibly backsliding into an old relationship that was hurtful and painful to say the least. It was never physical but emotional pain and it was one of the worst things I’ve ever dealt with!

 But now after avoidance for almost a year I found myself on a night out with the former boy and he was nice and it brought back memories of good times gone past and it hurts! As much as I tried to avoid him he made it painfully obvious to myself and friends that he still has feelings for me which is difficult because I know him to well and I know us together to well that it will not work as much he has tried to change we have not, did not and will not work! Recently he’s been hanging out of me, making it painfully obvious then after I ignored him he went a flirted with a friend of mine… its pathetic on both our parts really!

I’ve renewed my conviction that it CANNOT happen but it doesn’t make it any easier I even broke out an old note i wrote to myself on my iphone telling myself he was bad, but that does not help the fear I have in my gut that I could backslide into that painful relationship!

I probably sound like every girl in the world right now. That or like a pathetic teenager who just broke up with her first boyfriend!