Xfactor giving me life advice?!?!?!

Literally have a song I heard on the Xfactor UK stuck in my head. I’m constantly singing “no no n-n-no no” to myself all day long. Its an original song by a band called Overload. They seem to be one of these newly formed Youtube bands that have more than likely been approached by the producers because they are very One Direction/Union J esque bands. I’m leaning towards Union J as they seem to have a bit of an edge to them which 1D lacked in the early days and are currently desperately trying to clutch and hold onto for dear life!!

While this song has been stuck in my head I’ve been desperately trying to hide my new guilty little secret from everybody I’ve seen as I need to try and maintain some sort of street cred.. But I think I’m failing at it miserably!

I also think its sorta odd that teenagers on the Xfactor are basically promoting friends with benefits and getting away with it. On the flip side of the argument is the song has subliminally suggested to me that maybe I do want friends with benefits, maybe it could work as I am so not interested with the ins and outs of another complex relationship.

Its a bit of a weird thing that Xfactor has prompted all this thinking but yet it has and I’ve sort of come to the realization that I’m okay with being a lone for a bit, doing my own thing and having the freedom to do whatever I want when I want.

So I’ve sorta been a shitty person lately, I’ve neglected my friends, family and general life direction since I went on a whirlwind trip to America. I had the time of my life, saw a whole new world (excuse the Aladdin reference) and met a foreign man, who unfortunately remains in America. All I can think about is when can I go back? I’m trying to get a job to pay for flights, enrol in a course that will let me study there and even applying to jobs in America so I can move there. 

But what is any of this going to do for my life? While it looks and sounds pro-active I have no idea if any of it will ever work out. Once again I’m afraid that I can see myself spiralling down into the depths of a rut.

 

BUT somehow I must persevere and get on and DO SOMETHING with my life.. But realistically its all so confusing, everyone keeps telling me I’m too young to have my life planned and sorted but yet anyone my age seems to have their life sorted and moving on with things… Everything seemed simpler when I was 22, because then nobody likes you when your 23 and at 24 you just spend the time having melt downs!!! 

played or does he have problems?

After seeing a guy for a few weeks I thought I had found a decent one. Then to have it disappear in the blink of an eye left me stunned, shocked and at least a little upset. It was too out of the blue to let it slide so I did investigations with a mutual friend I had with the guy in question. I was shocked with the message I got back to say the least but when I think about it in hindsight maybe he was a bit crazy and his issues effected how me and him worked.

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Needless to say this information was an immediate relief to know it probably wasn’t me as we had been getting on like a house on fire or so i thought.

But why did he just suddenly flip from being all happy go lucky, organising things in the future, having plans for after I go away on holidays, even suggesting we go to France and bringing up the god awful children questions

But I’ve come to the conclusion I gotta put him to the side for the moment and deal with him after I go on an amazing holiday!

You never know what language we speak.

shellslife89:

Recently I caused a minor upset for a certain French shop assistant when she was bitching about foreigners speaking English and I whipped out my fluent French. It was a jaw dropping experience for her!

Originally posted on Travel Opens the Mind:

While on a trip to a UNESCO world heritage site in France with my family. We wandered into a shop speaking amongst ourselves about the lovely souvenirs etc on sale. I overheard shop assistants talking amongst themselves about another customer who I believe was Dutch not being able to speak a word of French or English. In the meantime my mother had asked in English if she could have a look at a piece of jewellery and of course she was helped by the staff members but whilst this was happening the staff continued to lament the fact tourists didn’t speak any French. I stood by not saying a word because I wasn’t bothered and was too busy looking, but my mother needed to convey her want to look at a different charm for a bracelet. When I spoke in what must have been excellent French because to say the…

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A rainy holiday!

Originally posted on Travel Opens the Mind:

Holiday, it’s a word that conjures images of sun, beaches and days lazing by the poolside. Not one of wind, rain and thunderstorms. Unfortunately that’s what I find myself currently faced with and I’m not exactly thrilled with the current situation.

What do you do when your on holidays and the weather is crap? That’s the question I have found myself faced with for the first time in over 15 years. For the last 15 years or so I have gone on holidays with the family to either, France, Spain or Italy and for the majority of the holiday the sun was splitting the sky it was at least 32 degrees Celsius and we were melting. Yet today as I write this I’m sitting in side looking out at a cloudy sky wondering what to do. Now it’s not freezing it’s about 22/23 but it’s not warm enough to go…

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Bad Boys or Good Boys?!?

The dating world nowadays is like an obstacle course and when it comes to me and dating sometimes it can be a mess. I used to go for the bad boys when younger, then as I moved on it went to the guys that have troubles or severe life issues and end up making my life troublesome. The there came a point a year ago I said to myself “you need to start going for the good guys, the ones that have their life straight and will be good for you”. I tried that and failed!! They were either too quiet or too boring or lacked the excitement for life that I had. However I now find myself in a confused situation with a semi bad boy, he has a full time job which is great but he’s not really going far in life (it sounds mean but even my friends agreed with me). He drinks excessively and spends the majority of his weekends smoking weed! I could also never ever introduce him to my parents. He’s probably not the sort of person I ever saw myself with but I have come to realise because he should technically be forbidden I find myself wanting him more. Despite not being overly into him at the start, I then was quite into him but now after seeing him last night I’m finding myself reverting to the old not so into him but he can be fun from time to time!

While I was confused over what I wanted with him I was trawling advice websites and came across one and signed up for emails etc and I got this little email in my inbox that really opened my eyes and I totally agreed with what he was saying.  

 

Eric Charles here and I want to talk about the biggest mistake women make in relationships, the one thing that I see over and over again that can basically screw you up from the start. 

 

The other day, I was talking to a female friend who was feeling anxious and panicked over this new guy she started seeing. Things basically started out great and then he went out of the country for a few days and she hadn’t heard from him since he returned. 

 

She came to me desperate to understand what was happening, saying he was so into her in the beginning and she couldn’t understand why he would just drop off like this. Like most of the readers who come to me with their relationship questions, she wanted to know exactly what was going on in his head and what she could do to fix it. 

 

The problem is….you can’t ever know. She was plotting and strategizing ways to control something that could never be in her control… ever. 

 

Most women screw themselves over because they look at the guy’s behavior in a specific instance and freak out about it. They then give off a bad vibe which spreads to him (even if you don’t realize it) and it derails everything. 

 

Let me ask you, what good has ever come from worrying and stressing about a relationship? None! 

 

A much better strategy is to approach a new situation with the attitude of “I’m having fun and we’ll see where this goes” and just take it as it comes. And you need to not care. I know it’s hard, but the caring is what’s messing you up. It’s causing you to stress and get overly invested. 

 

When you don’t know how he feels about you, that’s exactly the best time not to care. When you know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, how he feels about you… then care all you want

 

Worrying or wondering or caring about whether or not you’re on the same page doesn’t help… it’s only going to lead you to a bad place. 

 

Instead of investing time into the worrying, invest time into focusing on how destructive the caring is. 

 

Here’s something you need to realize. There is no satisfaction to be gained from playing emotional detective. 

So why do we do it? It’s because our minds convince us that there is some sort of pay-off for this obsessive thinking, that maybe once we find the solution we’ll feel better and it will all make sense. 

 

It doesn’t work like that, you can never know what is going on in someone else’s head and how they’re feeling. 

 

My friend did what most people do, she projected the way she was feeling onto the guy. While he was away, she thought about him constantly and was really excited for him to return.

 

Since the anticipation was building for her, she assumed he would reach out the second his plane landed. 

However, his process could have been completely different. He could have been busy dealing with whatever he needed to deal with and wasn’t thinking about the relationship because there was no time (and also no point since they wouldn’t be able to pick things back up until he returned).

 

You have to break the habit of thinking you have any idea what he feels. You don’t, and you won’t. If you’re seeing a guy and then he begins to fade away or vanish, you need to realize there was nothing more you could have done. 

 

Instead of worrying and analyzing, journal about your feelings and what leads you to this place of panic and desperation. Focus specifically on what thoughts, ideas and perspectives lead you to feeling like you’re walking on eggshells or worried about things falling apart or changing and try to trace these thoughts back to their root. 

 

Oftentimes when women come to me with their relationship questions, they’re looking for some magical key that will unlock the door to understanding. And that just will never happen. 

 

Actively journalling and tracing back the thoughts is that “key” and will help you identify negative patterns that may be blocking you from getting you the relationship you want. 

 

Hope that helps, 

eric charles 

P.S.  I’m not sure if you saw my most recent article, but if you didn’t you should definitely check it out to learn a simple but powerful truth about male psychology that will help you understand him and reach his heart more easily.

 

See it here – “Ask a Guy: Do Guys Really Love The Chase?”

 

=> www.anewmode.com/do-guys-love-the-chase/